Mr Special Is… ‘Barry Claus!’
2nd December, 2013
In many a household at this time
of the year, “ Tis the season to be jolly”, but for Barry & the household
of, ‘Special’, we hear more “fa la la la laa’s”, than is really necessary,
borderline uncouth & enough to make Santa glad that he lives at the other
end of the earth, where he doesn’t have to hear about it…which is where I
sometimes wish I lived!
Barry Claus, who, I suspect,
would like to cancel Christmas altogether, simply because it interferes with a
perfectly good work day, would be in a home for the ‘imaginarily insane’ if he
were to actively embrace anything to do with Christmas that didn’t extend
beyond eating yabbies & drinking beer.
I know I’m not alone…I can feel
the collective nodding…
Curiously however, the Boxing Day
test doesn’t seem to interfere with a perfectly good work day, so maybe instead
of writing letters to Santa, we should all be encouraging our kids to send text
messages to Warney…at least they’d receive an interesting, if not
inappropriate, reply!
Please allow me to paint a brief
Barry Claus ‘Ideal Christmas Scenario’ for you…
1.
No living Christmas tree, they shed more than a
dog….but if we HAVE to have a tree, I will go out into the woods &
illegally chop one down (for free…free being the operative word!)
2.
No parties, they just create work, are expensive &
I haven’t got time.
3.
No Christmas Carols, they are all lame…unless sung by
Toto, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin or me!
4.
No fancy meal….we have yabbies, they are free…but I
will somehow overlook the fact that they are being washed down by my
‘definitely-not-free’ Corona’s!
5.
Christmas cards are a complete waste of time &
money & should be banned
6.
Absolutely no presents that require the use of an alan
key, socket set or arrive in a flat pack…we once spent four hours on Christmas
eve putting together a bike…& don’t ever mention the rabbit hutch!
7.
If you REALLY feel the need to give a gift, wrapping it
is a total waste of time – the bag it was given to you in IS the wrapping
8.
Roast Turkey…really!
A tasteless, dry & overpriced Chicken on steroids…now Beef, that’s
tasty &….again…free!!
9.
Christmas afternoon should be spent….sleeping…
10.
& even though you’ve just spent a good part of the
day asleep, be sure to get to bed early so as you are well rested & ready
to sit in front of the tv all day watching cricket, eating yabbie sandwiches
& complaining about the mess
Unfortunately for Mr Special his
long suffering wife & children happen to love Christmas. I come from a family that also loves
Christmas & Barry nearly had a fit the first time he spent a Christmas with
us all….for starters we had a real tree, that wasn’t stolen, ate a big
extravagant lunch…which included turkey & ‘twas not a yabbie in sight! Gave each other ‘wrapped’ presents, played
Christmas carols, which I must admit were fairly horrendous…but that’s what you
do & stayed awake all day. I think
he’s still getting over the experience!
So from all of us here in Barry
Special’s world we wish you a very Merry Christmas, full of all the ‘Joys to
the World’ & minimal ‘Fa la la la laa’s’…
HAVE YOURSELVES A VERY SPECIAL
CHRISTMAS
Jen ox
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